You are not okay
by ellielou222
Summary: Amanda should have accepted the walk home from Olivia, then none of this would have happened. Can Olivia help Amanda come to terms with her assault while dealing with the guilt she feels for letting it happen? Amanda and Olivia friendship story. This is the first story I have ever written, so please any tips welcome! Let me know if I should carry on!
1. Chapter 1

It was almost 10pm, and Amanda was still at her desk finishing off some paperwork. She looked up from the report she was just finishing to see that every other desk was empty, except Olivia Bensons. Amanda could see the brunette pony tail of the woman she had been working with for the past three years bobbing up and down as Olivia viscously scribbled down the last of her reports. It had been a long day and a tiring case and everyone was exhausted, the boys all headed to the bar at 6, but the girls opted to stay back and finish the paperwork so as to lessen the load for everyone else.

''Liv'' the young blonde called out hoarsely. She hasn't spoken to anyone for at least two hours and her voice was croaky. Amanda coughed and cleared her throat and yelled a more audible ''Liv!''. Olivia turned her head quickly, she appeared to have been pulled out of a trance, paperwork does that to you. ''Are you almost done? It is like 10pm, I am just about to head home. Want to walk out together?''. ''Sure'' Liv replied, ''let me just finish this last sentence''.

And with that Amanda packed her stuff away, put on her beige jacket, wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and made her way to Olivia's desk. Amanda leaned on the desk with a playful smile. ''The boys owe us for doing all this paperwork!'' the blonde said, eyes glinting. Olivia smiled, ''yes they definitely do. Come on, let's get out of this place! I spend more time here than at home!'' ''Tell me about it!'' Amanda agreed. Olivia smiled at Amanda, packed her stuff and they made their way towards the elevator.

''Got plans for tonight?'' Olivia asked as the elevator went down. ''Umm..does sleeping count as a plan!?''Olivia laughed in agreement with the young detective.

They had a rocky friendship, Amanda admired Liv and Liv thought of Amanda to be a headstrong, wonderful detective, however Olivia knew Amanda had a troubled past, and this had affected her job a few months ago. Olivia was fond of Amanda, but her trust had been shaken. However, Amanda seemed to have got back into the swing of things as of late and Liv enjoyed having the happy young detective back.

The two detectives walked out of the double doors of their work place and right into the brisk winter air. ''I had to park over the other side, it was quite busy before! I will catch you tomorrow!'' Amanda yelled.

''What!? There is no way I am letting you walk all the way over there by yourself, at night in the middle of this city! I will drive you round'' Liv said with concern in her eyes. The mature detective knew what was out there in this city, and although Amanda knew too, the younger detective was a lot more careless and a lot more naive than the mature detective, and the mother inside Liv always came out with the younger detective, especially Amanda and her careless nature.

Amanda was already speed walking down the street ''No, no I am fine. I am a big girl Liv, thanks for the offer though! You worry too much! See you tomorrow!'' The blonde grinned and turned the corner.

Olivia stared with concern, there is no way she would catch up to Amanda now, and maybe the young detective was right, Liv did worry a bit too much, but it was late. There was no way Liv could catch up, so she made her way to her car and drove home.

As Amanda turned the corner, she was aching to get home and climb into bed. Just as she turned the next corner, she began to hear footsteps. Was it her own footsteps echoing? Was it some innocent person just trying to get home like she was? Amanda felt the hair on the back of her neck stick up and she began to speed up her pace. You're just being silly Amanda, she told herself. Amanda could hear the footsteps closer now, and she heard the breathing of someone directly behind her. Amanda turned around and suddenly a large hand was at her neck. The hand squeezed her neck and Amanda struggled to breathe. Coughing, spluttering, Amanda was panicking. The hand finally released her neck, only to pushed Amanda violently into the wall. Darkness began enveloping Amanda's view, and the last word she managed to hoarsely whisper was ''Help''.


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Thanks for the reviews already, I really appreciate it! I have never uploaded anything before, so I know the format or stuff might be wrong, I am learning as I go! Here is the next chapter! Sorry it is really short, but I wanted to put something else up for the people who reviewed it already. I will put a longer chapter up in the next day or two!

Amanda could hardly breathe. Her head was aching and she could feel a sticky substance flowing down her face. She lifted her hand to touch and saw the crimson colour of her own blood. She felt sick, her head was spinning and she could still feel the presence of the man who did this to her. ''You little Bitch. If you scream I swear to god I will kill you right now'' the man said with a sadistic smile. It was dark, but not dark enough to completely hide his face. ''You know who I am Amanda. You know what you've done. You deserve this and you know it'. The attackers fist flew towards Amanda's stomach, again and again and again. All she could do was lie there and get beaten up by this man, too weak to defend herself. Amanda's whole body had turned into a ragdoll for this guy. A ragdoll being beaten. He stopped punching, and cupped Amanda's chin with his hands. squeezing Amanda's face tight. All Amanda could do was think; her brain was the only thing not affected. Well, her brain and her tear ducts.

''Please don't rape me'' was all Amanda could think, her chest tightened and her breathing became erratic at the thought of this disgusting person being inside her.

Amanda felt so angry and helpless, she wanted with all her might to jump up and push this horrid man off her, but she was too weak and he kept a firm grip on her body. The attacker ripped off Amanda's shirt, violently ripped off her bra and what came next is what Amanda dreaded the most..''Please...don't'' was the last words Amanda managed to say.

Olivia was finally in bed. It had been such a long day Olivia thought, and now she was going to rest. But as she lay in bed trying desperately to sleep, a million thoughts buzzed around Olivia's head. Thoughts about work, the other detectives, the victims, her own relationships and also about Amanda. Maybe Liv should call just to check she got back okay...but then again the younger detective did make a good point when she said Liv worried too much, that was true..but still. Olivia couldn't shake the feeling that she should call Amanda to check she got home alright, but before Liv could think about it for another second, the shrill ringtone of her phone rang from the bedside table. Olivia quickly grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID, ''Amanda Rollins'' it said. Liv was confused for a second, it was quite late, but there must be a good reason she was calling this late and Liv was secretly glad that now she wouldn't have to seem like an overprotective co-worker by calling her first.

''Hello?'' Olivia said. Silence. Wait, not silence. There were no words from the over side, but Liv could hear laboured breathing

''Hello? Amanda? Are you there?''

''Liv...help'' Amanda slurred over the phone.

Olivia's heart began racing ''Amanda?! Where are you? Are you alright?".

No response.

Olivia jumped out of bed, quickly threw a jacket and pants on, grabbed her gun, badge and phone and sprinted to her car. She had no idea where Amanda was, but had a sinking feeling Amanda hadn't even made it to her car.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Thank-you so much for the kind reviews! I really appreciate them and they spurred me to write another chapter already! Again, this is my first time writing to please excuse mistakes. My style of writing is to just write as I go, so there might be mistakes although I do try to not make them. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I am writing this as I love the friendship of Olivia and Amanda in SVU, but it is rarely covered in fanfics. I know my chapters have been quite short, but I just feel like each scene so far has deserved its own chapter. I might do quite a long chapter next! Thanks again for the reviews! :)

Olivia could hear her own heart beating as she sped through the city on the abandoned roads. It was 3am, a bit too late for there still to be crowds of partiers and a bit too early for people to be heading off to work. Through the eerie silence, Olivia heard her own pulse.

She deals with hard hitting cases all the time with a calm demeanour, but this was Amanda.

Olivia didn't even know what had happened yet, but Amanda's phone call was enough to panic her greatly. She considered calling the station, letting Fin & Nick know, but she wasn't sure what had happened yet and she didn't want to overwhelm Amanda in case this was serious. It could be something silly Olivia thought, maybe Amanda had gone out drinking and needed a lift home. Even Olivia didn't believe her own lies.

Olivia pulled up to where the detectives had parted ways before, jumped out of the car and frantically looked in all directions. She decided to run to where she had seen Amanda last, retrace her footsteps. It wasn't long before Olivia saw Amanda.

''Amanda!'' Liv cried.

Olivia was frozen, speechless.

There in front of her just tossed aside on the floor was the frail, tiny frame of her friend. Amanda was laying there, unconscious, bloody and bruised and practically naked.

Olivia snapped out of it and raced over to her friend. Olivia quickly pressed two fingers to Amanda's neck and let out a sigh of relief when she felt a pulse. An ambulance would take too long to get here Olivia thought. Liv took off her jacket and carefully covered Amanda with it, then she gently placed her arms under Amanda's frail body and picked her up, cradling her. She walked carefully but quickly back to her car, with tears prickling her eyes. She gently placed Amanda in the back seat and sped through the city to the hospital, her mind racing, heart aching and eyes watering.

Olivia pulled in right next to the hospital, she didn't even turn her car off. She quickly but carefully lifted Amanda out of the back seat and raced into the hospital.

''Help! Please somebody help us!'' Olivia yelled at no-one in particular in the hospital. ''Please! I have a young woman here, badly beaten. She has been attacked and possibly raped'' Olivia gulped at that last sentence. Olivia felt sick, she could barely keep herself together, her voice was shaky and her face was a mess of tears.

The doctors raced over to the mature detective as she cradled Amanda's broken body and quickly took Amanda from Liv and rushed her away on a hospital bed. Liv heard people trying to talk to her but she couldn't concentrate. Her mind was focused on the image of Amanda's broken body and her whole body ached for the younger detective. Olivia raked her hand through her brunette hair and paced nervously through the hospital corridors, not knowing what else to do. She felt so helpless.

She should of walked Amanda round to her car. She should have protected the younger detective. The guilt was overtaking Olivia's thoughts and she felt like she might be sick. She raced to the bathroom, leaned over the sink and splashed cool water on her face. Olivia could not get the broken image of Amanda out of her mind. She kept thinking about what has happened, what happened to Amanda, what Amanda must have felt and how she must feel now. ''Please God let her survive the night'' Olivia whispered to herself as she left the bathroom and made her way back to the waiting room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: Thanks for the kind reviews! I do not know much about the technicalities of the actual laws in America, so I just make a lot of guesses..but hopefully if it is wrong it doesn't take away too much from the story! Thanks again for reading. :) **

Olivia sat in the uncomfortable hospital waiting room, her head in her hands and her eyes closed. She wasn't resting, or sleeping, she was simply trying to hold herself together. It had been 2 hours since she had brought Amanda into this place, and the only update she had from the doctor was ''We are still assessing the extent of her injuries''.

Olivia had decided she had to call this in, but she didn't have to say who it was just yet.

''Hello, Detective Benson here. I am currently at the hospital with a Caucasian blonde woman in her early thirties. She has been brutally assaulted and potentially raped. No, no she is not conscious yet and probably will not be until tomorrow. I have not discussed anything with her or how she would like to proceed. I will gather more information in the morning and let you know, just thought I should call it in so you guys can check the scene. Alright, thanks''.

Olivia violently raked her hand through her hair, it was something she did when she as nervous. In the distance she saw the figure of the doctor walking through the hallway, Olivia quickly jumped up and almost ran over to the doctor.

''How is she? Is she alright? Is there any serious damage?''Olivia said so quickly she practically forgot to breathe.

''She has been really badly beaten, and she is going to be in a lot of pain for quite some time. The only good news is that there is no serious internal injuries, all her organs seem to be intact. She has several broken ribs, lacerations, bruises and other external injuries, however she is conscious. We have given her some strong drugs for the pain but she is lucid.''

Olivia swallowed hard and barely got the next sentence out

''Was she raped?'' Olivia said with a wobble in her voice.

''When she was conscious we asked if we could do a rape kit. She got very anxious and nervous and refused. We didn't want to push her when she is in such a fragile state.''

Olivia nodded in understanding but sadness enveloped her. She had to go and see Amanda.

''Can I got and see her?'' Olivia asked.

''Of course, but only you for now. Any other friends will have to come another time. Of course any immediate family should be called down here now to see Amanda''.

''There won't be any family coming'' Olivia sad with sadness in her voice.

The doctor nodded in understanding and led Olivia to the room where Amanda was.

Olivia gently pushed the door open and stepped inside to the darkly lit room. In front of her she saw Amanda, laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. She looked a lot better than she did when Olivia found her, but her arm was in a sling, and it was clear that under her hospital gown her petite body was covered in painful bruises and cuts, it probably even hurt to breathe Olivia thought.

''Hey'' Olivia said gently to try and get Amanda's attention without frightening her, she wasn't sure Amanda had even noticed anyone else was in the room.

Amanda flinched and slowly lowered her gaze from the ceiling to Olivia. Amanda just stared at Olivia for a few seconds, then turned her stare away, like she couldn't bear to be looked at.

''Amanda..are you alri..'' Olivia caught herself before she finished the sentence. Of course Amanda wasn't alright! Olivia had dealt with so many cases like this before, why was she having such a hard time trying to talk to Amanda? She wasn't used to the victim being someone she knew, someone she cared about, and she felt guilty for not taking Amanda back to her car and being the last to see Amanda.

''I am so sorry Amanda. Really, I am sorry.'' Olivia took a step closer to Amanda's bed. Amanda was still staring in the opposite direction. Liv placed her hand onto Amanda's hand. Amanda flinched violently and ripped her arm away.

Amanda turned to face Olivia. ''Sorry, I just..'' Amanda managed to whisper.

''Amanda it's okay. I am just going to sit here for a while if you would like? Or I can leave you for a while. It is up to you.''

''Please stay'' Amanda said as she stared Olivia directly in the eyes. ''Please''.

And with that, Olivia pulled up a chair next to the bed and sat silently with Amanda in the quietness of the room. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was just...silence.

Amanda had fallen asleep, partly due to exhaustion and partly to do with the drugs she was on. Olivia sat next to the bed, staring at Amanda. A million thoughts raced through Liv's mind. She was angry, no, furious that someone did this to Amanda. Liv needed to know who did this, she needed to get justice for Amanda. But before any of this, she needed to get Amanda's statement, and she needed to ask Amanda again if she needed a rape kit, before it was too late. When she called in the rape, she gave the location to the officers, so at least they would be gathering any evidence left at the scene.

Amanda began breathing heavily. ''No!'' she screamed while her eyes were still shut. ''NO, get off me!'' Amanda was screaming.

Olivia quickly gently placed her hands on both of Amanda's shoulders. ''Amanda'' she said firmly but gently. ''Amanda, you're okay. You're dreaming. Wake up honey''

Amanda's eyes flew open, the looks of fear and panic overtook her face. She could see someone on top of her. She couldn't breathe. Her thoughts were all jumbled, she felt trapped. She tried to move but jolts of pain went through her body.

''Get...off...me'' Amanda wheezed, struggling to breathe.

''Amanda, you're okay. It's Olivia. You're in the hospital. You're safe here. Just breathe hon, breathe with me''

Olivia took a deep breath in, a deep breath out. Amanda tried to copy her movements, but she just couldn't take a breath in. The panic surrounding her and the jolts of pain caused by her own body fighting her were too much.

''I ...ca...can't...breathe...can't'' Amanda said wheezing, hey eyes glazing over.

''You can honey'' Olivia said. Olivia put her two hands on either side of Amanda's face. ''You're okay, you can do this, just take a deep breath in''.

Staring into Olivia's eyes and feeling the warmth of Olivia's hands helped calm Amanda down. She knew Olivia. She knew no-one was going to hurt her while she was with Olivia. Amanda closed her eyes and finally managed to take a deep breath in...and out..in..and out.

''Good, keep going Amanda.'' Olivia said as she kept her hands firmly in place.

Amanda had finally regulated her breathing, and Olivia let her hands gently let go of Amanda's face.

Amanda just lay there, staring again at the plain white ceiling. Olivia sat on the chair, staring with concern at Amanda's frail body.

''Amanda...what happened?''


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: Thanks for the reviews so far! Please read and review this short chapter and let me know if there is anything you think I could improve on, or any stuff that you like/dislike! I struggled a bit with this chapter, wasn't sure what direction to go in. Anyway, enjoy! Don't forget to review! ;) :D **

Amanda didn't say anything. She continued to stare blankly at the ceiling.

Olivia had dealt with countless victims, but everyone reacted differently and every person will react to a different approach, so you have to tread carefully.

''Amanda, can you tell me what happened when you began the walk back to your car?'' Olivia said tenderly.

Amanda slowly lowered her head and was now staring down at her own lap.

''I was walking down the street...and...and I heard footsteps'' Amanda whispered, her voice cracking.

''Suddenly I could hear the footsteps right behind me. I heard breathing...I could feel him behind me. I turned around and he grabbed my neck and'' Amanda caught herself about to cry.

''It's okay Amanda, take as long as you need. I'm not leaving'' Olivia said is a quiet but firm tone.

Olivia wanted to squeeze Amanda's hand for reassurance, but she saw how Amanda reacted to physical contact before and she didn't want to scare Amanda again.

Amanda took a deep breath, not moving her gaze from her lap.

''He put his hand around my neck and began choking me. I couldn't breathe. My head was getting dizzy and I felt I might collapse. Then he let go and through me into the wall. I felt blood pouring from my head. He then grabbed me and said something like '''You little Bitch. If you scream I swear to god I will kill you right. You know who I am Amanda. You know what you've done. You deserve this and you know it.''

Amanda was rushing way too fast, she could barely breath as she tried to recall what had happened to her merely hours ago.

''Calm down Amanda. You're okay. Shh sweetie, you are safe here'' Olivia said in a motherly tone. She wanted more than anything to reach over and hug Amanda, to let her know she was there for her. But she knew physical contact wasn't the best thing right now, and if she wanted to nail this guy then she needed to get a statement in the official manner, but it killed Olivia.

Amanda continued to stare into her lap, she felt tears burning her eyes.

''So he knew your name? He said you deserved it?'' Olivia said, taking notes.

Amanda slowly shook her head.

''Yes'' she whispered. ''He was probably right''

Olivia suddenly bolted her head up, staring directly at the young blonde.

''Amanda look at me. Amanda.'' Olivia said in a stern tone.

Amanda slowly raised her head up to meet Olivia's kind gaze.

''You did not deserve this. This is not your fault. The only person whose fault this is, is the man who attacked you.'' Olivia said.

Although inside Olivia was feeling a tinge of guilt. If she has brought Amanda to the car, Olivia could have stopped this. But Olivia knew Amanda would feel guilty that Olivia felt this way, and she didn't want to burden the young detective with any more feelings. This was Olivia's burden to bear.

Amanda stared at Olivia for a few seconds, before lowering her gaze back to her lap.

''After he said that he just started hitting me. He punched me everywhere. Everything hurt. I couldn't move..it was like I was paralysed. I didn't even fight back Liv'' Amanda said tearfully, her voice cracking again.

''Amanda, he was beating you. You were in pain, shock and had a giant person holding you down. Nobody in that position would have been able to fight back. The bastard made sure of that''

Amanda sadly shook her head but quickly carried on.

''He grabbed my face...hard. He...he ripped my shirt off. Then my bra. Then the rest of my clothes. He...he just looked at me for what seemed like forever. I was so cold and scared...all I could do was lay there as his disgusting eyes stared at my naked body...he disgusting tongue licking his chapped lips. He...he took his pants off...he held me down..his hands pushing my shoulder into the ground. ..he was going to r...rape me'' Amanda said angrily, tears in her eyes.

''Amanda...did he rape you?''

Amanda's eyes were full of tears.

''He...he couldn't. Physically I mean...he...he couldn't. He got so angry. He punched me again..and again..and again. He said it was my fault. I was so ugly and disgusting that he couldn't even rape me. He said I was worthless and deserved to die. He just kept hitting me. He...he put his fingers...inside me'' Amanda barely got the last sentence out before she felt like she was going to throw up.

''Oh god'' Amanda said through tears and hysterics. ''I'M DISGUSTING. LET ME OUT OF HERE'' Amanda screamed as she jumped off the bed, only to double over in pain from the horrendous amount of bruises all over her body.

Olivia rushed over to her friend. She carefully placed her arms around Amanda's body for support. Olivia was the only thing holding Amanda up.

''HELP!'' Olivia yelled. ''We need help in here now!''


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: Okay, sorry this is a super short chapter, I just wanted to give you guys something else to read due to all the nice reviews! I have exams at the moment (I know, a silly time to start my first fanfic! ;)) for the next two weeks so I might not be able to write a full, long chapter for a couple of weeks. But I will try! Hope this little chapter is enough for now. I know the past few chapters have been about a similar thing, Liv and Amanda in the hospital, but I just love scenes like this where Olivia is caring for Amanda. Anyway next chapter it will change slightly with the addition of Nick and Fin. Let me know what you think of the chapter, and anything I should add/change for the future chapters! Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

The panic and pain from her sudden movements had made Amanda pass out. Olivia just stood there holding Amanda in her arms, trying to support her body. Olivia was trying to move Amanda back on the bed but she didn't want to hurt the young detective more and it was hard to manoeuvre her body alone.

''Please can somebody help us in here!'' Olivia said with a panicky, shaky but loud voice.

A nurse ran in and quickly took in the scene before her. She hurriedly made her way over to Olivia and Amanda, and gently grabbed the lower half of Amanda's body to lower her onto the bed with Olivia's help.

Once Amanda was positioned back in the bed, the nurse felt her pulse.

''She's okay. This happens sometimes after a traumatic experience, especially when the patient tried to exert themselves too much. What happened before she passed out?'' The nurse asked with a concern Olivia felt was genuine.

''It's my fault. I needed a statement from Amanda so I could begin the investigation. I think I pressed her too hard. She got very panicked and leapt out of bed..and well you know the rest.'' Olivia said with a tinge of regret and sadness.

''Don't blame yourself, this happens. I know statements are important." The nurse said with a warm smile. ''I'll leave you now. If you notice any erratic breathing or if she doesn't come to within the next hour please let me know.''

''Sure thing'' Olivia said.

The nurse left the room and gently shut the door behind her.

Olivia sat back in her chair and stared at Amanda's frail body. She looked peaceful right now, maybe it was a good thing she was passed out Olivia thought. Thankfully Olivia has managed to get most of the statement from Amanda, enough to begin the investigation.

Olivia decided it was probably time to call the squad and let them know. But she probably should let Amanda know before hand.

Just as she had that thought, she saw Amanda's eyes flick open.

''Oww'' Amanda said as she tried to sit up.

''Shh sweetie, it's probably best you don't move too much for now. You passed out from the pain before. The nurse said you need to keep movement to a minimum'' Olivia said soothingly.

Amanda just stared at Liv before finally saying a quiet ''alright''.

''Listen Amanda, you know I need to call this in if we want to find the guy who did this. We need to report it.''

Olivia saw Amanda's face turn even paler and her eyes were wide with alert, Olivia knew this look.

''Shh, just breathe Amanda it's alright.'' Olivia said as she clasped her hand around Amanda's.

Amanda took some deep breaths in and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

''I...I know. You need to report it. Go ahead'' Amanda said through breaths, the last bit of her sentence had a slight anger to it.

''Are you sure? It is completely up to you Amanda. You're in charge here'' Olviia said staring Amanda right in the eyes.

Amanda took a deep breath and said ''Yeah just do it'' with a very blank stare.

Olivia gave a worried look at Amanda, but quickly grabbed her phone and dialled Fin's number.

''Fin, it's Olivia. I need to meet up with you and Nick asap. I have a case and it's...well I need to speak to you urgently, face to face. Can we meet at the hospital? Great. Can you let Nick know? Thanks Fin. See you in twenty minutes.''


	7. Chapter 7

**Note: I am back! Thanks for all the reviews. This chapter is pretty long compared to my others (yay!) and includes Nick and Fin! Just FYI, this is purely friendship between Olivia and Amanda and it will never evolve into a relationship between them, in this story anyway! :) But I am considering going down the route of Amanda and Nick becoming sort of involved in this story..or at least hinting at it. What do you guys think, yay or nay? Let me know your thoughts on the story and any bits you like/dislike! Again, this is my first fanfiction so it won't be the best. I do proof read but have probably missed some errors, so please excuse me! Also, I am not American so am unsure of the laws so I just sort of guess. Anyway, enjoy reading and don't forget to review! **

Nick and Fin met outside the front of the hospital. It was about 8am and the brisk air engulfed them as they walked into the hospital. The guys knew Olivia sounded a bit panicky on the phone, and she rarely got panicked. Sure she got frustrated, annoyed, upset, over-involved, emotional and passionate about many cases, and they loved her for it, but panicked was a rare trait exhibited by Olivia. She was normally very calm and level headed. The tone in her voice on the phone had both Nick and Fin worried.

The boys walked into the hospital, had a quick look around before getting too impatient and walking to the nearest person in some sort of hospital attire.

''Hey listen man, I am looking for a detective. Detective Benson. She's got brunette hair, and she would have came in with a victim. Do you know where she is?" Fin said in his usual tone of voice, which sounded threatening to some, but those who know him know he only means well.

The nurse looked a bit bewildered and said ''Sorry sir, I have no idea. It might be best if you check with the front desk'' as she pointed them in the direction of the desk.

With a sigh, Fin walked over to the desk with Nick hot on his tail.

''Listen, it's really important I find a Detective Benson. She's got brunett..."

"Fin, Nick! Over here'' Olivia said with a louder than expected voice, interrupting Fin's attempt to find her.

The guys walked over to Liv, concerned etched on all of their faces.

''Liv, what happened. Are you alright? Where's the vic?" Fin said.

''We came as soon as we could'' Nick added.

''I am fine, don't worry. It's just...look I am just going to tell you straight. It's Amanda. She's been attacked and sexually assaulted. Attempted Rape" Olivia said as her voiced cracked on that last word. She felt tears threatening to spill over her eyes but furiously blinked them away so as not to seem weak in front of her partners.

Nick stood there, in shock. A billion thoughts raced through his mind and he was trying to form a sentence, but instead he just wanted to punch every wall in sight. He was so angry. So incredibly angry that someone hurt Amanda.

Fin was the first to speak ''Liv what the hell? How did this happen? When did this happen? Can we see her? What did he do to her?"

The questions hit Liv like a ton of bricks. She knew there would be questions but this whole night has begun taking its toll on her and suddenly all Liv wanted to do was sit down. Her eyes shut briefly and her body swayed slightly.

''Woah Liv. It's alright, I got you. I got you'' Fin said as he put his hands steadily on Liv's shoulders and gently lowered her into the seat.

''You okay?'' Fin said with concern.

''Yeah sorry. I haven't had much sleep, must be a bit tired. But I am fine honestly. Look to answer your questions; this happened late last night. Amanda and I were finishing off the paper work and we walked out of the building. She had parked on the next street over and she needed to walk back to her car. I said I would take her, but she already started speed walking to her car. I should have caught up with her, I know.''

''Liv, you cannot think like that! You know Amanda, she wants to fend for herself and hates anyone helping her. If she wanted to walk by herself back to her car, she was going to walk herself back to her car. You can't blame yourself, you hear?'' Fin said in his brotherly tone Olivia has learned to love over the years of working together.

Olivia shook her head but continued speaking. ''It must have happened just as she turned the corner. A couple of hours later when I was at home in bed I got a call from her, she didn't say anything except my name, but I could just tell something was wrong. I jumped in my car and retraced her steps. Then I found her on the sidewalk, almost naked. God, Fin, it was awful..'' Olivia said the tears threatening to escape her eyes again.

Amaro has been silently listening to everything. The rage he felt inside for the bastard that had done this had just kept growing, and all he could do to stop himself from punching a hole in the wall right now was think of Amanda and how she needed him to keep his cool right now so he could help work the case and bring this bastard to proper justice.

None of them knew what to do. This was a unique situation and their thoughts were clouded with emotions.

''Can we see her?'' Nick said anxiously. ''How are her injuries? Are they severe? Is she conscious? I am going to kill whoever did this to her'' Nick said venomously.

Normally Liv would tell Nick to have some restraint with words like that as they need to go by the book, but she let this one slide as she couldn't help but have the same feelings.

''They are serious, but no internal bleeding. A lot of bruises and deep cuts all over her body. Some fractured ribs...and a lot more. He beat her to near death'' Olivia said with deep emotion, barely whispering the last sentence.

Nick was scrunching his hands in a fist to try and keep calm. Amanda and him had been getting quite friendly the past few months, they enjoyed each other's company and Nick really liked having Amanda in his life. It has been nothing more than friendship, but Nick often thought about how much he loved Amanda as a person and he found himself being very protective of her. Of course Nick was a protective person by nature, but especially with people close to him like Amanda. He knew she could take care of herself most of the time, but he noticed she often forgets how small she is in comparison with some of the big guys they go after and he worries about her when they are out on the streets apprehending suspects. Although he has seen her tackle guys twice her size successfully, he is always close by to protect her if need be. She hated it, but Nick couldn't help himself.

''I don't know how ready she is for visitors guys, she is exhausted and in a lot of pain. I can go in and ask her if you guys can come in, but it was even a struggle for her to agree for me to let you guys know what has happened. She is not being very cooperative, understandably.'' Olivia said, regaining composure.

''Yeah it might be best if we come back later, we don't want to overwhelm her. But please tell her we came straight away Liv, and tell her we are here for her no matter what. If she needs us, just give us a call and we will be right back you hear?' Fin said, staring Olivia right in the eyes.

Olivia smiled and nodded to Fin. ''If you guys go the scene you will see some officers there. I have called it in and they have started getting evidence from the scene. Stop by there on your way to the office and see what they've found. This case is our number one priority okay?"

Fin and Nick nodded in unison. Of course there are other cases as well, but what Liv means is that unless there are any serious new cases which come in today, then we will only be focusing on Amanda's case.

As the guys walked out, Olivia sat and thought to herself. She needed to convince Amanda to do a rape kit before it was too late. Even though the attacker didn't "legitimately" rape Amanda, he still sexually assaulted her and attempted rape, and Olivia knew a rape kit could help gather some vital slowly got out of the chair and made her way to Amanda's room, slightly knocking on the door but going in anyway.

Amanda was laying there, pale as a sheet with tears in her eyes. When she saw Liv enter she quickly used her hands to rub her eyes and get rid of the tears.

''Hey'' Liv said sympathetically. She could see Amanda's tear stained face, but knew Amanda would hate for her to bring this up.

''Nick and Fin were just here. I have told them what happened. They are already at the scene and are going to start looking for him straight away. They told me to say that they are here for you Amanda, if you need anything from anyone please just let me know'' Liv said staring right into Amanda's blue eyes.

Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her bed and mumbled a quick ''thanks'' before going back to staring at the ceiling. She was thankful Liv hadn't brought them in to see her. As much as Amanda loved both Fin and Nick, she really couldn't deal with seeing anybody else right now, and she was grateful Olivia seemed to understand this. Amanda couldn't bare looking at Olivia for much longer, to see the sympathy in Olivia's face made Amanda feel sick. She hated people feeling sorry for her and she especially hated it when it was someone who she looked up to so much.

''Listen, I am fine. Honestly, you can go. I am gonna ask them if I can go home soon anyway'' Amanda said all too quickly that Olivia barely made out what she said.

Olivia was shocked for a minute, before regaining composure and saying ''Amanda, sweetie, you are not fine. I am not leaving you here alone. You have no-one else to be with you and...''

''Thanks for reminding me'' Amanda said bitterly.

''Amanda, I didn't mean that, I just meant..''

Amanda sighed ''It's fine Olivia. I know you didn't mean to insult me. It is the truth anyway'' she said with a husky voice, finally moving her gaze from the white ceiling to Olivia's kind eyes.

Olivia smiled at Amanda, not a happy smile, but a ''I'm here for you'' sort of smile. The brunette detective reached her hand for Amanda's, and surprisingly Amanda reached back. They stayed there in silence for a while, just holding hands.

''Amanda'' Olivia said quietly, breaking the silence. ''Have you considered having a rape kit done?'' Olivia wanted to give Amanda the speech on how a rape kit ''can help us find the guy'' and that rape kits are the ''best evidence in court'' but she knew Amanda would not respond to this speech, as it is the same speech Amanda herself gives to victims.

Amandas heart raced and tears began to form in her eyes, she couldn't hide them this time. She wanted to be strong and not show any weakness to Olivia, but she couldn't handle keeping the strong front up any longer. ''Liv..I know I should..but I just...I don't wan...I just can't'' Amanda managed to say while tears fell from her face. She was sobbing loudly now, and she couldn't stop it.

Olivia gently climbed onto the other side of Amanda's bed, and put her arms around her sobbing friend. Amanda leaned into Liv's embrace and continued crying, she couldn't help it.

''Shh, you're okay. You're okay Amanda'' Liv said soothingly to Amanda as they laid there together.


	8. Chapter 8

****Note: ********Hello! **THANK-YOU for the kind reviews! I love reading them! Sorry it has been a little while since I last updated. Life got a bit busy! Sorry! Hope this update is to your liking, let me know in the reviews! Again I am not American so not sure of the laws or procedure that happens in these cases, so I just kinda guesstimate. Excuse any grammar or spelling errors, I do read through but might have missed some! Sorry if this story seems a bit long winded, we are at chapter 8 and Amanda still hasn't left the hospital! I just get caught up in the scenes haha. But thankfully the next chapters will be slightly different. Sorry the chapters aren't incredibly long..I am never sure how long to do them. Anyway, I am rambling. Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

Ten minutes passed before Amanda's sobs and erratic breathing calmed down, and for ten minutes Liv had held her softly so as not to hurt Amanda, while gently rocking her body. Liv wasn't sure why she was rocking, she just felt it soothed Amanda and helped her calm down. As soon as Amanda was more conscious of her surroundings Liv felt her body tense up and Liv knew it was time for her to let Amanda go. She slowly released Amanda from her grip and Liv made her way round to the chair.

Amanda felt awkward and didn't know how to react, she felt embarrassed that she had let someone see her so weak. She felt embarrassed that Liv had had to calm her down several times already today and it was still not even 9am. She hated feeling weak and vulnerable, but right know she was both of those things. She needed to get it together the young blonde thought to herself.

''Fine I will do a rape kit'' Amanda said so quickly Liv barely heard it.

Liv looked at Amanda for a few seconds, before quickly responding just in case she gave Amanda a bit too long to think about it and change her mind ''That's great Amanda, I will go and let the nur..''

''Not that the rape kit will help at all, he couldn't even get hard or put it inside me.'' Amanda said with a scoff, her gaze just staring in the distance.

Liv approached the next sentence carefully ''Amanda I know, but you said he...he did penetrate you with his fingers and he did sexually assault you. A rape kit can help us get good evidence to put this bastard away''. Liv saw Amanda flinch at the sentence.

Amanda could feel another panic coming on and quickly wrapped her arms around herself, like she was literally holding herself together. It killed her to do it as she could feel the pain from every bruise, broken rib and laceration on her body. She winced in pain but held her body tightly. It was a defensive mechanism and Liv could see that.

''Yeah whatever, just tell the Nurse I want it done now or never'' Amanda said harshly.

Liv stared at Amanda for a few seconds before quickly leaving to get the nurse. She returned a few minutes later followed by a short plump nurse with a round face and a friendly smile.

''Okay Amanda, it is great you have been brave enough to do this. I am going to need you to sign this form and then we can begin''

Amanda cringed at the condescending words. She knew the nurse was just being nice, but she hated it. She quickly grabbed the form and practically carved her name and signature violently on the paper.

Liv thought she should give Amanda some privacy, but didn't want to go too far in case Amanda needed her. ''I'll be just behind this curtain if you need me Amanda'' Liv said while staring Amanda directly in the eyes. Liv could swear she saw tears forming in her eyes, but Amanda quickly blinked and said a stern ''Okay whatever'' in response to Liv's statement.

Liv went and stood behind the curtain, although she couldn't see anything, she could hear everything. She heard every sigh from Amanda, every whimper, every cry and it just killed Liv to hear her detective and friend like this. She heard Amanda sobbing and this was the last straw, she couldn't handle feeling so helpless stood there and not helping anymore.

''Amanda, I am going to come in okay.'' Liv said in a firm tone. She waited a few moments for a response, but all she heard were more sobs.

Liv walked in and the sight before her crushed her. The nurse had an arm on Amanda's shoulder, trying to sooth her, but Amanda had completely shut down. Her arms were wrapped tight around her body and she was lying on her side, tears falling down her face, her loud sob very evident.

Liv rushed over to Amanda. The nurse slowly let go of Amanda's shoulder and gently whispered to Olivia that she had enough to now process the rape kit before leaving the room.

Olivia gently placed her hand on Amanda's shoulder, rubbing up and down to try and let Amanda know she was here and to try and give Amanda some sort of comfort. It seemed to work and Amanda and Olivia just stayed like that for a while. Soon, the sobbing had stopped and Amanda fell limp and Olivia could see Amanda had fallen asleep.

''Thank God'' Olivia whispered to herself, as at least while sleeping Amanda will not be in immediate pain and she can get some well needed rest.

Olivia quietly left the room and quickly dialled a number she now knew off by heart.

''Hey Fin, what have you got? Found anything?''

''Liv, hey. How's my baby girl Amanda?'' Fin said before saying anything else.

''She is...well she is asleep right now so I guess that is a positive. We just had a rape kit done, they have just sent it for processing. How is the scene, did they find anything?''

''Yeah, they found some of Amanda's clothes a little down the side walk. They have blood on them, probably hers but they are going to send them to the lab to process ASAP as there could be other particles from the perp on there. We got some footsteps to that the guys are making prints off, but that's about it Liv. Nick and I were just going to head back to the station and comb through Amanda's past cases, coz it sounds very personal Liv. God I want to catch this bastard'' Fin said, anger rising in his voice.

Olivia knew the exact feelings, but they had to keep calm if they were gonna catch this guy. ''Okay Fin. I will stay here with Amanda for a while, and talk with the doctors to see where we go from here. You and Nick go and look into Amanda's past cases, and also have a look into her old station back in Georgia. I don't know exactly what went on down there, but I know it wasn't good. Could be connected, but maybe not. Check it out anyway, alright? And Fin, I know you're angry, we all are. But please try and keep a level head on this, we need to do it by the book so we can get Amanda the justice she deserves.''

Fin sighed on the other end of the phone ''Liv, I know you're right. I am trying to keep calm but every time I think of Amanda getting hurt, the rage inside me just gets too strong. But I will try and control it, for Amanda's sake. Okay, Nick and I will look into Amada's past. Wait on second Liv, Nick wants to speak to you quickly. ''

Liv heard the sounds of the phone being passed over.

''Liv? Hey how is Amanda? Is she alright?" Nick said with a deep concern in his voice, even Olivia could hear it through the phone.

''Nick..she's...look she isn't fine. We all know that. But at least she is safe now, with us. We can help her through this. I am going to speak to the doctors soon to see where we go from here and I will let you know as soon as I know anything.''

''Alright. Let us know whenever you get any news alright?"

''Of course. Gotta go, will call you guys later on. Cya.'' Liv said, and she pressed the end call button.

Liv couldn't help but have a quick smile, it was nice how much Fin cared about his partner and how much Nick cared about his...friend. She wasn't sure what the relationship was between Amaro and Rollins to be honest. They got along and were very friendly, when the whole crew went out for drinks those two always sat next to each other and seemed to be in their own world half the time. But it could just be friendship, Liv wasn't sure yet, but that was not something for Liv to worry about right now.

Liv began walking back to Amanda's room, when she saw the door was open. Liv looked inside to see a doctor talking to Amanda.

''We can release you today but only if you have someone else with you at home. At least not for the next week or so. You suffered a bit of a knock to the head during your attack which means you should be monitored for a few days at least. And due to the extent of your injuries you will probably need some assistance with various tasks. Also, your psychological wellbeing should be monitored after a traumatic event'' Liv overheard the doctor say. This Doctor sounded like a robot and had no bed side manner Liv thought to herself.

The doctor left the room and Liv waited a few moments before walking in. Amanda was sat up and alert now.

''The doctors said I could go home now. I was just gonna pack my stuff and catch a taxi. Thanks for staying with me and all, but you can go now. I am sure you have lots to do and stuff.'' Amanda said nonchalantly, but Olivia could tell she was very nervous.

Liv looked at Amanda and gave a ''you're not going to like what I say next'' sort of smile. ''Honey, I heard what the doctor said. There is no way I will let you get a taxi alone and there is no way I could let you go home by yourself. You are coming to stay with me for a while. I have plenty of room and would love to have you''

''No, no. I don't want to be a burden honestly. The doctor said that was just a...suggestion. I will be fine alone honest'' Amanda said knowing it would get her nowhere. She really didn't want to go to Olivia's and feel so intruding and dependent on another person, but she knew Olivia and knew she would not back down.

''Amanda it was not a suggestion. Look at you! You are coming to mine, end of story. You are not a burden at all honey, I would love to have you and it will make me ,and I am sure Nick and Fin too, feel a lot more at peace if we knew you were with one of us. They won't let you leave without knowing you will have someone at home, so really I am your only option'' Olivia said with a cheeky smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Amanda sighed, and Olivia could tell she was giving in. She didn't really have a choice. ''Alright fine...thanks'' Amanda quickly added the thanks, as she didn't want to sound ungrateful at the offer. ''But it will just be for a day or two, then I will be fine to be alone.''

Olivia knew this wasn't the case, but smiled anyway. ''Great! Let's grab your stuff together and sign the release papers so we can get out of here!''


End file.
